About Our Family
This is our family. Well, what was supposed to be our family. Today we only have three living members of our family. Myself, Kirby, my husband Daniel and our daughter Piper (born in 2014). My name is Kirby, I have been pregnant 5 times, with 7 babies (not counting the three super early losses), but we only have one living child – our beautiful daughter Piper Josie Channells who was born in April 2014. Our journey is a long, complicated and sad one. Thank you for choosing to read on.
Our Children - Live Birth, Stillbirth, Miscarriage, Caesarean Scar Ectopic, Loss of Twins, PPROM, First Second Third Trimester Loss.
I’ll start our journey at the beginning. Piper, our first child was conceived naturally with an uncomplicated pregnancy. She was born via caesarean on the 4th April 2014 because she was transverse and our Obstetrician was concerned that if I was to go into labour that her umbilical cord might prolapse and potentially deprive her of oxygen. Piper was born at 39 weeks gestation and is now a gorgeous and sassy 8 year old.
We waited a few years to have another baby. We got pregnant naturally with our second child Coco Jessie Channells after five months of trying. Pretty normal. Coco’s pregnancy was easy and uncomplicated with everything perfect, just like Piper’s – until it wasn't. Coco was stillborn at 35 weeks 6 days gestation on the 29th May 2018, which was three weeks prior to her scheduled caesarean arrival date. I had just started maternity leave on the Friday and over the course of the weekend I noticed her movements become less frequent or become non-existent. You hear people say things like “the baby is running out of room, so the movements slow down” – which is a total lie, a baby’s movements should never reduce because they run out of room, they will change based on growth and become more of a rolling motion rather than a sharp kick, but they should never slow or stop.
So I went to the hospital for reassurance, thinking everything was fine. My gosh, was I wrong. The midwife couldn’t find a heartbeat using the doppler. They brought in a portable ultrasound machine where a specialist Obstetrician and Sonographer attempted to find our baby’s heartbeat. I heard the words “I’m sorry, I cannot find a heartbeat, your baby has died”. The words no expectant parent wants to hear at any stage of pregnancy. It hurt, I cried, I wanted to be left alone. I called my husband Daniel who was at work and he arrived an hour. On his way to the hospital he called both sets of parents. Our Obstetrician came and tried to comfort us, she was just as heartbroken as we were. The process of the million blood tests, questions and a formal ultrasound to confirm Coco’s death was confronting and hard to deal with - but something that had to be done. We tried to find out her gender, but she had her legs crossed as we had wanted a surprise, so we didn’t know if she was a boy or a girl at this stage.
Once the formalities of her death were complete we were sent home to process her death, to tell Piper and to pack a hospital bag, as we needed to be back at the hospital for a 7am caesarean. Coco was breach and had been for quite some time, so she was always going to be born via caesarean. We came home and had to tell our daughter Piper (who was four at the time) that the baby in Mummy’s tummy had died, that her little brother or sister had died. My gosh, this was an incredibly hard thing to do. For ourselves and for Piper. We spent that night as a family holding my belly and trying to make as many memories as we could before we had to say goodbye forever. Because at this point, Coco was a part of me, she was still inside me. Both sets of parents/grandparents came to support us. I don’t know what we would have done without them.
The next day Coco was stillborn via caesarean. We found out that she was a girl and immediately named her Coco. A name that her big sister had her heart set on. If Coco was here with us today, she probably wouldn’t have had the name Coco. It was nice to be able to give Piper the opportunity to choose her name and feel closer to her little sister who she was not going to be able to grow up with.
At hospital, we got to spend three beautiful, yet terribly sad days together as a family with the use of a Cuddle Cot from Bears of Hope (donated by a bereaved family). Piper met her little sister and was so incredibly amazing with her. She behaved just like any big sister would have behaved with their new (live) baby sister. We were able to get some professional photos taken by an organisation called Heartfelt. This organisation is filled with professional photographers who donate their time to photograph moments for families just like ours. These photos are something that we treasure so dearly. One of the only physical things we have to remember our Coco.
In the months after Coco’s death we wanted to make a difference and support some of the organisations that supported our family. So we started a little business in Coco’s honour, a legacy for her where I hand make bath and body products, and most recently polymer clay earrings. From every item purchased we donate money to three organisations (Bears of Hope, Heartfelt and Stillbirth Foundation Australia). Our website is www.cocosfizz.com.au if you would like to have a look.
IVF - Stimulated Cycles, Fresh and Frozen Transfers, Early Pregnancy Losses, 12 Week Scan.
Our most current challenge is conceiving. Since we lost Coco in May 2018, we conceived again naturally in the October 2018, only to have a missed miscarriage somewhere between 8-9weeks. We then continued to try and fall pregnant with the assistance of Clomid, and with no luck. We were referred to a Fertility Specialist and in the November 2019 I had an ultrasound which found potential endometriosis, and had a laparoscopy to clean it out after blood test markers came back. Since then we continued to try naturally but with the assistance of Letrozole, with no luck. In April 2020 we started our first IVF stimulated cycle. We transferred one embryo which we received a negative pregnancy result. We then tried to do a frozen embryo transfer in May 2020 but both embryos did not survive the thawing process (apparently this is really rare). We did a second IVF stimulated cycle in June 2020 where we transferred two embryos. We finally got a positive HCG result, but it was only 22, with repeated bloods having a negative result a few days later (an early pregnancy loss). We did another frozen embryo transfer and another early loss. We tried for our next IVF stimulated cycle in August 2020 where weirdly I ovulated before my first scan at around cycle day six - so this cycle was cancelled. Our third IVF stimulated cycle was in September 2020. We transferred two embryos and we received a positive HCG result. The numbers kept on climbing. YES, we were pregnant! We started getting excited. We then had a scan around 7 weeks. At this scan it showed that there were two babies (OMG Twins, we were so excited!). Then again our world fell apart. Baby A was two weeks behind Baby B and probably wouldn’t survive. And Baby B had implanted on my caesarean scar which is a rare form of ectopic pregnancy and life threatening for myself and the baby, and if that didn’t happen I could have lost my uterus. So we made the difficult decision to schedule a laparoscopic procedure to remove the baby from my caesarean scar. This was a tough decision and one that I think about every single day - the what ifs of infertility and pregnancy loss. At this time the baby that was two weeks behind still had a heartbeat so we gave him/her a chance. The following week there was no heartbeat, so more surgery was scheduled. In March 2021 we did a frozen embryo transfer (our last embryo from that cycle). Again, we got a low positive result, but that fizzled down to nothing a few days later.
In July 2021 we did our next IVF stimulated cycle (this should have been our fourth egg collection) where I only had one follicle, so the cycle was cancelled, and I was given a trigger shot and tried naturally to no avail. In September 2021 we did our fourth stimulated IVF cycle where we retrieved 5 eggs. We transferred two embryos and had another negative result. In October/November 2021 we did our fifth stimulated IVF cycle, and again transferred two embryos with a negative pregnancy test. On embryo transfer each time, my uterine lining was perfect, I was on Clexane and Prednisolone with my protocol to help with implantation – but it didn’t work. We had an appointment with our Fertility Specialist who suggested that I have an operation to repair my isthmocele – which is something to do inside the uterus and my caesarean scar. So it basically means that I have too much scar tissue – which could have been the reason why the emrbyos weren’t implanting. Our Specialist said that this type of surgery wasn’t proven to make a difference but if we wanted to “turn over every stone” along this journey that we should do it. So the surgery happened in December 2021 and ended up being more in depth than what our Specialist thought. So we had to postpone our next IVF attempt a few months to allow my body to heal.
We then did our sixth stimulated IVF cycle in March 2022, which is where we conceived our son Sawyer Greg Noel Channells. We transferred two embryos and were pregnant with twins. During the embryo transfer the Fertility Specialist (which wasn’t our usual one) noticed a 1cm polyp on my cervix, she said this wouldn’t be an issue to the embryos implanting or during pregnancy. We finally got a positive result and we were so excited. Everything was great and there were two heartbeats at the 6-7 week scan, we were pregnant with twins. But sadly at the 7-8 week scan Baby A had stopped growing. Our Baby B (Sawyer) was doing so well and continuing to grow each and every scan we had. And we were being monitored 2-3 times a week by our Obstetrician. I was taking progesterone pessaries and almost every time I inserted them, I began to bleed. At 10 weeks our Obstetrician removed the polyp in her rooms. I didn't have any bleeding after that. We had our 12 week scan and everything was perfect. Our baby Sawyer was growing well, measuring a few days ahead and came back low risk during the nuchal translucency scan. Five hours later I was sitting on the couch and noticed moisture, I got up to go to the bathroom and was bleeding quite severely and with multiple large clots and lots of blood. We called our Obstetrician and Fertility Specialist. We thought the worst, but a scan at the hospital showed that Sawyer had a strong heartbeat. I stayed in hospital overnight and checked Sawyer’s heartbeat again the following day. Again, it was perfect.
We had a formal scan the following day, which showed that my cervix had shortened, from around 30mm to 23mm. At 14 weeks 2 days I went in for surgery to put a cervical suture in place to stop my cervix from shortening. This worked with no complications. On the Saturday I was 14 weeks 5 days and after a shower I dried myself and then some fluid came out, dripping and first and then a small gush. I phoned our Obstetrician and she asked me to go to the hospital to get checked. Sawyer still had a great heartbeat and the Obstetrician on call said that the fluid looked to be reduced, but that it was difficult to see on the scanner they have at the hospital. Our Obstetrician asked the midwife to do a vaginal swab to see if it was in fact amniotic fluid. This came back negative so we were all happy. On the Tuesday at 15 weeks 1 day we went in for a formal scan to check the length of my cervix, but after telling the Sonographer about the fluid loss she just checked the fluid. We went into see the Specialist Obstetrician (which was the same lady who confirmed Coco’s death). She said that she didn't like what she saw on the scan and told us that there was no amniotic fluid surrounding Sawyer, which meant that the chances of him surviving was extremely low, and the chances of me getting an infection was extremely high. I had a massive panic attack, which I have never experienced before. She, along with our Obstetrician admitted me into hospital, where I had 2 types of IV antibiotics two and three times a day. Our Obstetrician came in daily to conduct a bedside scan and each day Sawyer had a really strong heartbeat. She also spoke to many of her colleagues, some of which specialised in the premature rupture of membranes (PPROM). They all decided that my cervical suture needed to come out due to the high risk of infection. We spoke with our Obstetrician and we said that we would leave the suture in there at least until a formal scan the following week. But then things changed, I began bleeding slightly with a large gush during the early hours on the morning on the Friday (15 weeks 4 days). Our Obstetrician then said that the suture needed to be removed ASAP, and we went in at 12pm that day. The suture was removed and since I was on bed rest, it shouldn't make too much of a difference. Each and every day we had a bedside scan and Sawyer’s heart was strong, still little to no amniotic fluid.
The following week at 16 weeks 3 days, after 10 days in hospital I went off the IV antibiotics and onto oral antibiotics. The next day I went for a formal scan which showed great growth, which meant the placenta was doing its job and giving Sawyer everything he needed. It also showed a small pocket of fluid, which we were all excited about, medical professionals included. We started to get hopeful that everything was going to be okay, even though we knew that to reach viability for Sawyer we needed to be 23 weeks, which was still many weeks away. The next day at 8am at 16 weeks 5 days I went to the bathroom and noticed a bulge when wiping. The midwife checked it out and said she thought it was the umbilical cord. I knew this was bad, and burst into tears. Called Daniel and Piper (who had tested positive for COVID earlier in the week and couldn't come to visit) and told them. Piper said that she and Coco had spoken and that Coco said that would look after this little baby. We all burst into tears.
I phoned our Obstetrician and told her what the midwife had said, she burst into tears too, and said that she would organise the on-call Obstetrician to come and confirm it. She came in and confirmed it quickly without even needing any of the equipment she ordered. My Mum came in and held me for a few hours while Daniel wasn’t allowed (due to COVID), thank heavens she was here. A few hours later I was transferred to the birthing suites where they had made a COVID safe room where Daniel was allowed to come in. This also happened to be the same room where we spent our time with Coco. I had a bedside scan that showed that Sawyer no longer had a heartbeat. An hour or so later I was given a tablet to bring on labour. Within about 30-40 minutes Sawyer was born, at 16 weeks 5 days. We held him and were told that he was a boy. We didn’t know what to name him so we looked at our list of names. We phoned Piper and my Mum and spoke about names. I had liked Sawyer for quite a long time, so we decided to name him Sawyer. His middles names are Greg after my Dad, and Noel after Daniel’s Dad. It was an extremely sad an emotional experience and I wasn’t able to get the placenta out because of this no matter how hard I tried. I went in for basically a D&C to remove the placenta and clean everything out.
We spent the rest of the afternoon with Sawyer, Piper and my Mum came in to meet him and cuddle him. Piper was again the best big sister she could be. We spent the next day with his and then went home in the afternoon. It was tough leaving, it always is leaving a hospital with empty arms when you went in there with a pregnant belly. Daniel and I came back for a few hours everyday the next week before we put him into the care of the funeral directors. We saw him once more in their viewing room to say goodbye, write him a beautiful note and just give him a cuddle. The last time we were going to be able to do that. And then one week after he was born, one day after saying our final goodbyes to Sawyer we had this photoshoot. Wow! Writing this, feeling all the sadness flooding back in – how did I manage to be a part of this special experience. Since then I’ve just felt numb. I can’t believe we don't get to take another baby home.
In August 2023 we started our eighth full IVF Cycle where we collected 3 eggs, all fertilised and made it to day 5 embryos which is a great result. We transferred one embryo and froze the remaining two. During egg collection I bled quite a bit compared with previous collections and I think this was due to the endometrial lining on my cervix (but for the ease of writing we will call a “polyp”). At the embryo transfer the polyp was present, small but still there so we completely left it alone. During the two week wait I bled every so often when I went to the bathroom and when progesterone pessaries were inserted. Not every time, but sometimes and the bleeding would cease quite quickly. Fast forward to the blood test day we got a positive HCG result of 127, 4 days later it only went to 200, and two days after that at 5w0d it was 264. We tested again three days later and HCG was 970, and two days later it was 2415. Fast forward to 6w0d, two days after that last blood test. I had a massive amount of bleeding where I filled a maternity pad in an hour and twenty minutes. I was admitted to hospital to monitor blood loss and to potentially have surgery to stop the bleeding. I went into theatre the next day and my three doctors (Steve Raymond, Lyndal Harborne and Craig Pennell), the Dream Team all worked together and thought outside of the box to figure a way to stop this polyp from bleeding as if we didn’t stop it, we might have been back in hospital a few days or weeks later. So at 6w1d I went to theatre to stop the bleeding. They used three sutures, one on each blood vessel leading into the cervix from the side and one ay up high on my cervix. Happy to say that the bleeding has subsided. Now we are waiting to see if this pregnancy, Baby 8 has survived all of the bleeding and surgery. HCG on the day of the surgery dropped to 1878, a different lab than what the previous results were from, and after all of the bleeding and IV fluids. I was discharged from hospital a few days later after the HCG significantly dropped to below 100.
In January 2024 we did another IVF cycle but the follicles weren’t cooperating, and the cycle was cancelled we we tried the old fashion way. Nothing came of this and we did a back to back cycle (so that’s 16 stimulated cycles) where we got four eggs, one wasn’t mature, two fertilised abnormally and one fertilised but was fragmented. We completed a day three embryo transfer and unfortunately it was unsuccessful.
We have been searching for a gestational carrier/surrogate to carry our embryo (we have two in storage) and we have been lucky enough to have someone that we know offer to do this for us. We are beyond grateful and are completing all of the appointments necessary to get the process started including medical appointments for our surrogate, third party obstetrician appointments for her, counselling sessions foe Daniel and I, and the surrogate and her husband, and a group session together. We also organise the legal stuff. It’s a challenging time and hard to know my body cannot do this - but the sense of relief that that part of our journey has come to a close is nice. Now we focus on our surrogate and supporting her and her family as they give us this precious gift.
You’re welcome to keep up to date with all of this on my Journey Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/our.journey.to.our.rainbow/.
Living each day as a bereaved parent is a challenge. As soon as you get pregnant you start to make a life for that little person growing inside you (or your partner). And when that life gets ripped away, it is not fair, and it is not something you ever forget. This type of loss changes you and the person you are. Time does not heal all wounds but the pain does change and shift and it gets different. We share our story in the hopes that it lands in the ears of expectant parents. Maybe it will make them consider their baby’s movements and hopefully helps them to save their baby’s life. Or maybe our story is similar to your own, and reading it makes you feel not so alone.
Thank you for reading my very long a painful story.